30 things I've learnt from 5 years being published: no 21 – there will be times when it all feels hopeless
I’ve said before that I hate the massively overused rollercoaster analogy when it comes to having a career as an author, but I’m afraid that it’s so unbelievably perfect that I must bring it up here once again.
Being a published author is exactly like being on a rollercoaster. One minute you’re on top of the world and everything is brilliant and wonderful and you feel as though you are doing EXACTLY what you are supposed to be doing with your life (and there is NO greater feeling than this), the next, you feel like you want to die.
Really.
It really is that brutal.
There will be times when you feel absolutely desolate.
I don’t think many things have made me as miserable as my publishing career has (on occasion).
I think the issue is that we tie so much of our self-worth up in our writing, that when it all crashes and burns, we begin to panic and wonder who we even are if we don’t have it.
Having spoken to so many writers over the past five years, I can’t think of a single one who hasn’t gone through this very dark night of the soul on multiple occasions.
So please be reassured: it’s totally normal.
It’s especially hard when you’ve put everything into a novel and had a great response from publishers and early readers and everyone working on your book has high hopes that it’ll be a huge hit and then for whatever reason, the book just doesn’t take off.
In my opinion, high hopes are the cause of pretty much all disappointments in the publishing world.
But the truth is that most books do not take off.
Most books just do OK, and that’s it.
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But every time you release a book, no matter how jaded you are, you still have this tiny kernel of hope that this time things will be different, and this time you will hit the jackpot and become a massive word-of-mouth bestseller.
And then you don’t. Because most authors don’t.
I’ve spent time in tears sitting on my bed feeling genuinely as though I’m cursed to want to do this for a job.
Wishing that there was ANYTHING else I felt I was meant to do instead.
And I know that sounds incredibly self-indulgent and spoilt. But to pursue this job to the extent that you get some success, it has to be a bonafide vocation, and it’s incredibly hard to walk away from a vocation even if it does make you utterly miserable.
Whenever I’ve felt this way, I’ve coped with it by a) throwing myself into something else - like my web design business and b) telling myself that I can give up if I want to, and that if I do I won’t be a failure, because I have achieved something by even finishing a novel.
But I also remind myself that these feelings will pass. Because they always do.
If you are having a ‘everything is hopeless’ phase, the best advice I can give to you is to have a break from it all. Go for a walk. Get outside. See some non-writing friends and talk about something other than the bloody publishing industry.
Remind yourself that there is life outside publishing and that you had a life before it, and that you are not just your writing.
The truth is, your writing will always be there, even if you ignore it for a bit. Even if right now, you hate it, and you can’t wait to turn your back on it.
Some friends and I like to say that writing is the ultimate ‘bad boyfriend’, constantly messing with our heads and falling in and out of love with us.
But in a way, we are the ones that fall in and out of love with it. And that’s OK. We ARE in control of our writing careers, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
After all, we can always write something different, change genre or give up completely.
But also, writing and publishing are not the same thing.
We can still write without seeking publication.
And I do believe that the writing itself has to be the THING that it’s all about, and somehow, despite everything, it’s always a comfort ❤️
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It must be fascinating to be published. How is the book doing? Who is reading it? What are they saying? I could never be depressed. I'd be too busy asking questions : )
Thank you Charlotte for this post, that humanises the novel writing process. I've downloaded your free ebook for debut authors. As I've started working on my first literary fiction novel, it's so timely for me, to have come across your SubStack!